Kakak Tua Kaki Skodeng

Ada seekor burung kakak tua yang sangat cerdik dan mempunyai pandangan mata yang sangat tajam sehingga boleh menembusi apa-apa halangan yang menutup matanya (Transparent le tu... )


Setiap pagi burung ini akan bertenggek di dalam sangkarnya yang tergantung di tingkap. Rumah tuan punye burung ni terletak di antara sekolah rendah dan kuaters guru Setiap pagi ada 3 orang cikgi melintas di hadapan rumah tuan punye burung ni dari sekolah ke kuaters guru, oleh itu hari-hari lah burung ni perhati 3 orang cikgi yang bertutup litup tuh ke hulu ke hilir... ke hulu, ke hilir.....

Setiap hari burung ni tengok cikgi-cikgi tu atas bawah, atas bawah.. Bila dia boring dia menyanyi -nyanyi... . tak pun, dia akan baca skrip cerita sembilu 2... lama-lama makin boring pulak... so dia ternampak le si cikgi-cikgi tu berderet jalan slow-slow nak pergi ke sekolah Burung ni pun kuyu-kuyukan mata dia... then tonyoh tonyoh sikit mata dia... dah tu dia kibas-kibas kan kepak dia... pas tu dia jerit kuat-kuat... .

"BELANG!! PUTIH!! BIRU!!!"

KEGILAAN DUNIA MANUSIA

Kadangkala manusia cuba untuk menjadi gila supaya mendapat perhatian...

SINGA JADIAN YANG COMEL......

aku nak bela jugak!!!!

RM1000 & Telur?

Ada seorang pak cik yang bernama Pak DI yang sangat kaya. Setiap hari
beliau akan menyimpan RM1000 di bank. Setiap hari tepat pukul 9 pagi
Pak Di dah pun bersiap sedia terpacak di kuanter bank untuk menympanRM1000nya.

Setelah lebih kurang setahun berlalu, kehadirannya setiap hari disedari
oleh Manager Bank. Menager Bank itu pun memanggilnya ke office dan bertanya.

Manager : Setiap hari saya lihat pak cik akan menyimpan RM1000
dibank.Apa kerja pak cik?

SOALAN ABANG RAHMAN...

FAKTOR KEPADATAN PENDUDUK CHINA??

Makan..makan...

AYAM SUNAT??

MR SATAN (DRAGONBALL Z)

FROM 3D TO 2D

Keluarga Bahagia

BAD HEARING

A

The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."

He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"

She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old

old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?" fart!"

KESENGALAN 3 MANUSIA

Di sebuah kg ada 3 org remaja yg suka
lepak. Sorang tu nama dia Ali,
sorang tu Budin dan sorang lagi Ciko.
Aktiviti seharian depa ni
menybbkan tok imam x senang duduk. Pd
satu hari tok imam tu dtg dgn
niat nak tarbiyah depa ni.


Maka berlakulah bbrp insiden cabar-
mencabar.
Tok imam tu cabar si mangkuk 3 ekor tu
ke surau waktu Maghrib nnt.


Si Ali pun berkata, "Tok imam ingat
kami ni jahil sangat ke? Takpa2, nnt
kami buktikan yg kami bkn la jahil sgt
spt yg disangkakan" .

Maka apbila hampir masuk waktu Maghrib
pegilah malaun 3 ekor tu ke surau.

Tok imam pun suruh Ali azan. Tanpa
berlengah terus je Ali azan,
"Allah Ta'ala... Allah Ta'ala..."
Dgn segera tok imam merampas mikrofon
drp Ali & menyuruh tok bilal azan
semula. Terselah kejahilan Ali.


Selepas iqamat, masa nak sembahyang
tok imam pun mengangkat
takbiratul ihram. Tok imam pun satu
hal, angkat sekali x khusyuk, angkat
2x pun x khusyuk jgk lg..

Masuk je kali ketiga, Budin panggil
tok imam. "Tok,tok duduk kat belakang,
biar saya jadi imam." Tok imam pun
undur le ke belakang.

Budin pun angkat le takbiratul
ihram. "Allahu akbar!" Maka para
makmum pun ikut angkat takbiratul
ihram & memulakan solat.
Tiba2 je si Budin ni pusing ke
belakang dan berkata, "Aa, tengok!
Sekali jee tokkkk!!"
Lalu batallah solat Budin. Yg lain2
pun ikut berenti sambil ketawa
terbhk2.

Tok imam pun mintak pulak si Ciko jadi
imam. Si Ciko pun terus ke
depan jadi imam solat tersebut bermula
dari takbir sampai le habis
sembahyang. Siap dg wirid2nya sekali.
Punyalah respek tok imam kat si Ciko
niii...

Lepas solat, tok imam pun puji-memuji
leee si Ciko ni... Tapi dgn
bongkaknye si Ciko berkata,

*"He hee, itu belum ambil wuduk lagi
tu.Kalau tak, lagi dassat aku
semayang.
He heee..." *


Tok imam pun trus pengsan...hahahaha

Sardar Jee Yang Sengal

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

I Like Lawyer...They Are Entertaining

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing
law.

Puteri Golek Golek (18SX)

Mengikut ceriteranya, ada le sorang lelaki tu namanya Awang Benjol, kerjanya
tiap-tiap hari Mencari rotan di hutan..

Pada suatu hari, dia masuk ke hutan seperti biasa mencari rotan, tapi
kali ni ke tempat yang baru sikit, kerana tempat lama rotan dah habis.
Semasa tengah mencari akar rotan yang sesuai tu, dia terjumpa sebuah
tasik, sangat lah cantik di tengah2 hutan tu.
Terkejut beruk si awang ni, heran, campur pelik, tak pernah jumpa
tengah2 hutan ada tasik yang sebegini cantik. Di sekeliling tasik tu
terdapat pasir puteh, bertambahlah pelik Awang melihatnya. Dihampiri
tasek tersebut dari celah-celah semak dan pokok hutan yang kecil.

Tiba-tiba semasa mengendap tu awang terlihat, ada seorang puteri sedang
Mandi bogel, terbeliak mata si awang, orang ke hantu ni, bentak hatinya,
nak lari ketidak? Tapi seronok jugak mengendap ni, bukannya puteri tu
nampak dia. Tapi yang bertambah peliknya ditepi tasek tu ada pengawal
yang sedang berjaga semasa Puteri tu mandi. Setelah mandi, puteri tu
naik ke tepi, baring atas pasir puteh tu dan golek-golek badan dia
beberapa kali. Bagai nak terkeluar mata si awang nih, jantung pulak
bagai nak meletop. Selepas itu puteri pun memakai pakaiannya dan berlalu
bersama dua orang pengawalnya yang lengkap dengan senjata tombak dan
keris.

Bila semuanya dirasakan selamat, barulah awang keluar dari tempat dia
menyorok dan terus lari pulang kerumahnya dihujung kampung. Malam tu
awang tak dapat tido, nak diberitahu isteri, takut dia marah dan tak
kasi pergi lagi. Rugi pulak rasenya. Kalau diberitahu kengkawan yang
lain, takut ramai yang pergi ngendap, dah tak syok pulak.
Pikir punya pikir, ping! Awang dapat satu idea bernas..

Esok pagi, seawal pukul lima, awang dah bertolak menuju kehutan dara tu,
bini dia pun naik heran, buang tebiat ke laki dia ni, pergi hutan
subuh2. Setelah berjalan beberapa jam, sampailah dia ke tasek tersebut.
Awang terus menggali lubang dimana tempat puteri tu golek-golekkan
badannya selepas mandi semalam. Setelah selesai disorokkan cangkul untuk
menggali tadi kat semak, lepas tu dia masukkan dirinya kedalam lubang
tadi, dia timbus seluruh badannya dengan pasir dan yang ditinggalkan
diluar hanya "anu" saja. Tak lama selepas tu seperti biasa puteri hutan
tu pun turun mandi dan berenang kat tasek tu, seperti biasa selepas
berenang dia ketebing untuk golek golek. Tiba -tiba masa golek-golek tu
dia terpandang sesuatu, "anu" si awang le tu. Aik!
Kata puteri tu, bila pulak ada cendawan tumbuh nih, dia pun cuba nak
cabut, tak boleh, mula mula lembik, bila cuba nak cabut jadi keras
pulak, heran puteri tu, cendawan jenis apa nih, bila cuba cabut lagi,
candawan tu kembang dan berair. Heran punya cendawan, kata puteri dalam
hati. Pasal tak boleh cabut puteri pun berlalu bersama pengawalnya dan
hilang ditengah hutan.

Setelah terasa selamat, awang pun keluar dari lubang tu, cari seluar
yang disorok, lari balik rumah dengan perasaan gembira yang amat sangat,
punya tak tahan seronoknya tu, habis satu kampung semua orang lelaki
diceritanya, tak kira kecik ke besar.

Esoknya seperti biasa puteri nak mandi kat tasek kegemaranya tu lah.
Punya la terkejut Mak oi, kenapa hari banyak sangat cendawan tumbuh,
beratus ratus tumbuh kat pasi ni, ada yang kecik, ada yang besar, ada
dah tua ganayut punya cendawan pun ada. Tiba-tiba tuan puteri berasa
sangat marah. Dipanggilnya pengawal peribadi.

"Pengawal, ambil kan beta masin potong rumpun, bersihkan kawasan ni dulu
baru beta akan turun mandi!!"

Maka, bermula lah episod satu kampung semua tak ade cendawan lagi..


he.. he..... he .....

Moral;
- Jangan makan cendawan coklat......
- Sesapa yang dah tak ada cendawan....Mesti berasal dari kampung ni!